Danger UXD:A brief (and badly remembered) history of the Unemployed Christmas Dinner.

Let's go back three decades to 1989. Margaret Thatcher was still our Prime Minister, Jive Bunny and the Mastermixers were number one in the charts with Let's Party, and I was twenty-one years old. My friends Rob and Tony were both twenty years old. All three of us were, quite happily, unemployed.

Most days I'd sleep on Rob's sofa, Tony would knock round and we'd watch Home and Away and Neighbours, then Rob would get up, and the three of us would head into 'town' (that's Basingstoke) for a quick tour of the job agencies, a bun in the bakery, a chat with about fifty different people, and then on to The New Inn where we'd get drunk.

From where I'd wake up on Rob's sofa (strictly speaking, Rob's mum's sofa) and we'd do it again. Jobless youngsters? Layabouts? For certain! But, looking back on it now, it was a grand time and it wasn't to last all that long. One thing we were missing out on, as well as money - obviously, was, far more than work, the annual works Xmas dinner that many of our friends were attending.

So we had an idea. If the employed got a Xmas dinner why shouldn't the unemployed? We set a date in the week leading up to Christmas and decided the three of us would meet that day for a Christmas dinner in a pub somewhere. Of course it was a pub. We could barely afford to eat in restaurants and, at that time, I'd have found it quite uncomfortable to do so.

Come the day for what we'd decided to call the Unemployed Xmas Dinner, one of the job agencies only went and got me a job. A really crap job packing plants for a company a large shop had outsourced to do their shitty work for them. In a warehouse somewhere near Worplesdon. In the middle of nowhere basically.

Certainly not a destination I could travel back to Basingstoke for lunch from. So I missed out that first year (I never have since) but the event still happened. Rob's brother Damon joined Rob and Tony for a meal in The Lamb pub in Basingstoke. A pub that, it has to be said, was, even then, not considered one of the town's finest.

I've no idea how the meal panned out but it can't have been too bad because we decided to do it again the next year, and the one after, and the one after, and we're still doing it now. 2019's meal will be the 31st year we've done it and though, for the most part, very few or none of the attendees are actually unemployed any more we keep the title Unemployed Xmas Dinner. I'm proud we've been attending it far longer, now, than any works functions!

I find it hard to remember exactly where those first few events took place. I remember there were a couple in the now defunct Food on Potter's Walk in Basingstoke town centre. Those years it was a quick jacket potato with cheese'n'beans, a giggle at the animatronic Santa that appeared to be wanking, and off to the pub for a skinful. There was also a couple of years where we ended up in a fast food joint called Uptown at the end of the night because we'd overlooked, up until then, the act of eating during our Xmas dinner!

Eventually we made our way to a restaurant and, if memory serves, the first of these, ever so slightly more formal events, took place in Pizzaland, a chain that ceased trading in the UK in 1996! Remarkably, photographs still exist (thanks, Tina) although there seem to be none from the two years in which the event took place at The Watership Down in Freefolk (a popular quizzing venue at the time).

My main memories of the Watership Down years are accidentally setting fire to a menu with a candle (can't remember who was responsible) and Stuart and Laura remonstrating with a taxi driver on the way home about some perceived dereliction of duty.

It was fun - but it was hardly convenient. So, having moved to London in 1996, it was decided that in 1997 we'd move the Unemployed Xmas Dinner (later to be abbreviated, well - by me anyway, to UXD) to London. It took a dip in numbers to begin with but by the mid-2000s sometimes there'd be thirty or more in attendance.

It was, at times, a logistical nightmare. But it was always a lot of fun. Sometimes too much fun. There are a handful of events I can barely recall. We ate Indian, Chinese, Mexican, Brazilian, Turkish, Greek, Spanish, Italian, and Thai, and there were one or two places where it would be hard to describe exactly what area the food came from.

At some point around the turn of the millennium, Adam instigated a Man of the Year Award (I, somehow, won it three times - most recently last year, a shared victory with Ben) and that's become part of the tradition now. One year, in La Perla on Charlotte Street, the voting took up about two hours but, mostly, it's a painless, funny, and not entirely serious award. Above there's a photo of Darren being presented with his award. In 2003. In La Perla.

Recent years have seen us finally get with the times and instigate a Woman of the Year Award (that's Alex who was not actually in attendance when she won a few years ago) although to some critics it's all still a bit binary!

The general gist is that we convene in a pub at 6pm and go for the dinner around about 8pm. I used to think it was big and clever to try to drink four pints in that two hour slot which, most likely, explains how I'd often end up not far short of having my face down in my meal by about half-nine.

Following the meal, if there's time, it's off to another pub and, on occasions, even a bit of dancing. Last year ended up in The Elephant's Head in Camden and other years have seen the night end up in the After Dark or the Purple Turtle in Reading. Quite often Ian's trousers would come down but, alas, the photographic evidence of a bouncer ordering him to pull them back up has not come to light.

 

In 2010, after nearly fifteen years of hosting the event in London it was decided to bring it back home to Basingstoke. We had a nice evening in an Italian place at 'the top of town' (I don't think it's there anymore and I can't recall its name) and it was the only occurrence of the UXD in which Rob was unable to attend. It was snowing and he sent Sean Provis in his place. Between courses Sean would pop out to McDonalds and have a burger!

After twenty five years of UXD, I presented Rob with a carriage clock at The Spice Oven in Reading for his long service and a year later my gift of a much smaller timepiece for Tina (and her long service) was completely overshadowed by Rob's presentation, to me, of a blue plaque. It was amazing. I was gobsmacked and genuinely touched.

 Photographic evidence of these events can be seen below and, as Cheryl commented on the time, you can observe that Bugsy was far more interested in his food than the carriage clock presentation!

Over the years there have been belly dancers in Dalston's Stone Cave, somehow managing to crash Gok Wan's party in a room under a pub near Trafalgar Square, the odd argument, but much more laughter, much more alcohol, and much more tasty food. I loved the Mexican food in La Perla and the Greek food in Jimmy's (and the garlic bread in La Porchetta in Finsbury Park was so huge I thought the pizza had arrived) but in recent years, as the UXD has grown up (it's all relative), I can't recall a terrible meal.

Except the legendary disaster that was Ruby in the Dust on Upper Street in Islington. Nearly twenty years ago but still a legend that gets mentioned every year. Uncooked food, waiters who simply wouldn't serve us, rude staff, and a massive wait in a smelly basement room before the table was ready. It was dreadful - but, for most of us, it was funny and a few drinks in The King's Head theatre bar afterwards had us laughing at the experience before the night was even over.

Most of us anyway. At least four people who attended that evening never returned! I thought of making a list of all attendees ever but I think that list would run close to one hundred and there would be people on it whose names I barely remember. There would also be some ex-partners who people might prefer not to be reminded of!

Let's just say it's a very large amount of people, and we're still recruiting. Last year saw debuts for Pam and Valia. Pam's back this year and Jack will be joining us for the first time (I've only known her for over three decades) and Colin was supposed to be joining us until he got a better offer!

But we'll also be without a few regulars this year. Tony and Alex are only coming to the pub and Darren and Cheryl will be in Brighton watching The National. They'll be missed but I'm sure they'll be back soon. Far more missed will be Bugsy who, of course, we lost this year. Behind Rob, Tina, and myself (with thirty appearances each) Bugsy had always been one of the most regular attendees and always, always, brought something to the party.

It's a huge understatement to say it won't be the same without him and though it's likely there may be the odd moment of sadness I think we all know that Bugsy would have wanted us to have a good time in his memory and we're holding it this year in Reading's House of Flavours as Carole said it was a place he particularly liked.

I hope we can raise a toast to him as well as one to Pat and Stuart (both attendees of earlier meals and both no longer with us). I'm also hoping we'll be able to toast a new arrival. Ian and Miriam are regulars at the meal but not this year. That's because Miriam is eight and three quarter weeks pregnant. She's due on December 12th (election day!) but could she surprise us and pop out a baby to mark the annual UXD?

It'd be great but all that really matters is that mum and baby are fine. In recent years we've fluctuated between Reading and London for the meal but wherever it's held and whoever attends it is, for me, always one of my favourite social events of the year. I'm really proud that we've been able to keep this friendship group so close for so long.

I've seen friends grow older, get married, have kids, and move away to new towns. Some I catch up with regularly. Some I see less. But I love the fact that we still have this event each year and, aware of life's impermanence and our fading memories, I wanted to get something written down now while I still can and, more than anything, I wanted to say thankyou to everybody who's come along over the years and to everyone who will do in the future.

This blog is as much to act as a repository for some photos of my friends at this event over the years as it is to read and I've managed, thanks to Alex and Tina primarily, to collect way more than I really need to illustrate the words. So enjoy these photos of us looking young/happy/drunk/greedy/delete as appropriate and I look forward to seeing at least twelve of you tomorrow for more food and silliness. Just remember though:- "what happens in The After Dark stays in The After Dark".