Kakistocracy XL:I'm A Lying, Murdering, Piece Of Shit, Get Me Out Of Here.

It's the kangaroos and ostriches I feel sorry for. Them and all the insects and the grubs that are slaughtered for fun so gawping Brits can watch celebrities, major and minor, eat them and have them poured over them in so called 'bushtucker trials'. I don't watch Ant & Dec's annual festival of televisual animal torture and murder, I'm A Celebrity, Get Me Out Of Here, because I'm against animal cruelty in any form but the fact it is so popular really says a lot about how low our society has sunk.

This season's most notable jungle dweller is former Health Secretary, infamous adulterer, and crocodile cryer Matt Hancock and though it'll be fun to watch him choke on an ostrich's cock or spew out a kangaroo anus we shouldn't forget that he isn't actually a celebrity. He is a paid, and sitting MP, for the seat of West Suffolk and he's supposed to be representing his constituents at a time of the most serious cost of living crisis in living memory.

Instead, he is being paid nearly half a million pounds, on top of his salary as an MP, to do this and being given a chance, presumably/hopefully one he'll fail - he has a strong record of failure, to rehabilitate his public image when, in a sane world, he should be stripped of his job as an MP (he's skiving work to do another job), and then taken to court and investigated for his care home failures during the pandemic that cost the lives of thousands of elderly and vulnerable people.

Ideally, he should be in prison. Though it's hard to see Ant and Dec commentating on that. Imagine being a kangaroo that is killed for I'm A Celebrity. It'd be bad enough to be eaten by Boy George or Jill Scott but even Chris Moyles would be preferable to Hancock. Imagine having to die so that you can be eaten by Hancock who has been paid to do it and then in some way helping him restore his image. Even the creepiest of crawlies deserves better than that.

On the subject of creepy-crawlies, let's turn for a moment to Gavin Williamson and his pet Mexican redknee tarantula, Cronus, which he keeps in his parliamentary office. Because of course he fucking does. Not totally sure which one is the creepiest or crawliest (of course I am, it's Williamson) but it seems that Williamson is so loathed, even by his own party, that Nick Watt revealed on Newsnight recently that a group of junior Tories hated Williamson so much they launched a plan to break into office, release his tarantula, and stamp it to death.

Which is not on. It's not the poor spider's fault that Williamson is such a vile and useless piece of shit. Following his sackings by both Theresa May and Boris Johnson, he was, quite remarkably, appointed to cabinet by Rishi Sunak as Minister of State without Portfolio. Whatever that means.

It didn't last long. He was soon found guilty of sending threatening text messages to staff and colleagues. He called one lady "physically disgusting", threatened to slit a civil servant's throat, and told another to jump out of a window. He's resigned from his cabinet position, before he could be sacked, but remains an MP. What did the people of South Staffordshire do to deserve Williamson?

Ah yes, they voted for him. Imagine threatening to slit a colleague's throat and keeping your job. It's virtually impossible for anyone else to survive that except for Tory MPs. I have no idea what kind of kompromat Williamson holds on the other leading lights of the Tory party but it must be pretty bad.

All of this reflects rather badly on bland, and serious sounding, Cop27 ditherer Rishi Sunak whose appointments have proved him to be as much of a wanker as Truss and Johnson before him. While everyone with an even one iota of human decency celebrated Jacob Rees-Mogg quitting as Business Secretary before he was fired, any of the credit Sunak may have got for that was lost with the appointments of Williamson, Suella Braverman (we'll come to her), and Kemi Badenoch as Equalities Minister. As well as the return to cabinet of such lost causes as Dominic Raab, Oliver Dowden, and Terese Coffey. As Environment Secretary ffs! Coffey's only suggestion on the environment so far is that we could do as she does and use the same mug for our tea and coffee multiple times.

Out of the box! Who'd have ever thought of something so genius? It feels like the only mugs here are the British people for putting up with this shitshow. Kemi Badenoch's appointment to that particular position had an old Basingstoke acquaintance of mine, one Mat Winser, observing, eloquently on Facebook:- "fuck this government directly in the eye socket" and I don't think I can top that comment so I'll just let it stand.

As with regards to equality, Foreign Secretary, and living proof that nominative determinism is a myth, James Cleverly has reminded gay football fans planning to attend the World Cup in homophobic Qatar that it might be a good idea to be a bit less gay and Home Secretary, actual Home Secretary, Suella Braverman's has spoke, with complete intent to offend and whip up hatred, of an "invasion" of migrants on Britain's southern shores.

Not remotely incendiary talk, and clearly you can't link it with the terrorist incident in which far right extremist terrorist Andrew Leak threw three petrol bombs into a migrant processing centre in Dover, killing himself as he did so.

Nothing's changed since Sunak took over. Nothing at all. The culture wars continue to speed up, the hate talk is ramped up, the problems facing the country continue to pile up on top of each other, and, at PMQs, Sunak has no answers at all to Keir Starmer's, ever more pressing, questions. Three weeks in a row Sunak has brought up Jeremy Corbyn who is no longer the Labour leader of even in the Labour party.

Sunak, and this is something he shares with some of the more lunatic fringes of leftism, desperately wants Corbyn to be Labour leader. To the extent it appears he's in denial of the fact that he isn't. As the nurses vote to join railway workers on strike, as people struggle to buy food or warm their houses, and as the Brexit cows come home to roost and lay Project Fear shaped cowpats, Rishi Sunak has no answers on how to even start solving any of these problems. Because of this, he should call a General Election immediately. But he won't. Because like every Tory, he cares more about his party than he does about the country and he cares more about himself than he does even the party. With an estimated £720,000,000 in the bank we probably won't even get the satisfaction of seeing him choke on a wallaby's testicles. I'm a British citizen, get me out of here!