The London LOOP. Part VII:Kingston Bridge to The Causeway (A Bird (On The Back Of A Deer) In The Bush(y Park) Is Worth Two In The Hand (For The Football Scores).

From the almost silent sound of boats sailing down the Thames under Kingston Bridge to the thunderous roar of jets taking off and landing in Heathrow Airport, our most recent leg of the London LOOP was not short of variety. Most, if not all, of it of a rather wonderful nature.

The day began, for me, (and not for the first time on a leg of the LOOP), with something of a phone disaster. Having had my Huawei nicked from a pub table on Thursday night and not being able to replace it with anything better than a 'burner' (due to new data protection laws, Vodafone policy, and my own complete discombobulation with the convoluted world of technology and commerce) the following day in Lewisham I'd arrived in Kingston early (passport in hand as is now deemed necessary) to try to get a nice replacement phone. No joy. 7-10 days seemed to be the best they could promise.

So I retreated to The Kings Tun, the very Wetherspoons pub in Kingston we shunned last time, to have a pint, charge the burner, and wait for Shep. Once he arrived we moved quickly on to La Fiesta in the town centre for a beans on toast breakfast with milky tea to set us up for the day. I was flustered but as soon as we crossed Kingston Bridge things improved greatly. In fact Kingston itself in the sunshine looked pretty resplendent too, as did some of those parading around the shops in their summer finery!

Immediately crossing Kingston Bridge (as we had in last year's TADS curtain closer) we entered Hampton Wick and left the borough of Kingston upon Thames for Richmond upon Thames (our second of the day, both Hounslow and Hillingdon would follow) and soon passed through Hampton Court Home Park, before crossing the A308 and a short hop down Church Grove Passage into the vast Bushy Park (after Richmond, London's second biggest royal park).

I'd been through Bushy Park last year with the TADS and I also ran a 10k race there back in 2012 with my friend Cheryl. Both times it seemed nice enough but once (in the race) it was raining and the other time it was cold and getting dark. On a beautifully warm and sunny May day it took on a very different aspect indeed. In fact we saw some very different sides to Bushy Park.

One of three parks enclosed by Cardinal Wolsey as part of his Hampton Court estate and given to Henry VIII along with the palace where, presumably, the portly monarch enjoyed performing cruel acts on the local wildlife. Luckily, there was no sign of any members of the royal family but far far more impressively we saw plenty of deer. Signs warned us not to approach them at this time of the year because they could be aggressive, or at least protective.

They didn't seem too bothered as we walked past as they sheltered under trees or were put to use as bizarre crow transporters. Almost every deer appeared to have one crow atop its back but one particularly fine specimen had orderly corvids waiting in line to board for a ride!

The deer, the crows, and us were all around Leg of Mutton Pond and Heron Pond. The scene was idyllic and easily a contender for the most pleasant view witnessed on the LOOP so far. But it got better still. Once we'd crossed the broad Chestnut Drive we turned right through a gate into the Woodland Gardens, a more landscaped (though majestically so) part of the park.

There was a pleasant looking little café but we ploughed on. Entranced, as ever, by a multitude of waterfowl and, for the first time, by the jagged stumps of swamp cypress reflected in the Longford river and according to our guide book "pointing skywards like a dentist's nightmare" and "the strangest growth around the entire LOOP". We'll have to see about that but they were certainly some of the prettiest we've yet encountered. Some sections had me thinking of the bayous of Louisiana. Not what you expect on the outskirts of Teddington!

Past the Waterhouse Plantation, resplendent with rhododendrons and azaleas, and along a snaking path we continued to ooh and aah at just how amazingly beautiful Britain can be in spring and summertime. Completing the scene was a picturesque little cottage, River Lodge.

From there we followed Cobblers Walk back into the main expanse of Bushy Park and a steady march north into Teddington. Teddington took on the air of textbook suburbia. We criss-crossed a few roads, listened to a bizarre, slightly sinister, ice cream van peal out its call to children, admired some of the impressive Art Deco frontages on some of the houses between Teddington and Fulwell and cut across the edge of an absolutely ginormous David Lloyd Armida Spa and some mildly impatient golfers from that establishment's course.

The A305 Twickenham Road was bathed in golden sunlight and it was getting hotter. A pint would've been good at that point but no pub showed its face so we passed through a knot of roads until we reached the River Crane (we're starting to lose track of just how many rivers we've crossed and walked alongside now, in fact I'm starting to feel a bit like Jimmy Cliff) to reach the B358.

At this point we decided to check Shep's phone (the battery was flat on my burner already) to see if there was a nearby pub. There was. But it was a Beefeater. We gave it a look anyway. We were thirsty and we needed the toilets. It actually had a pleasant large garden so Shep took a Doom Bar and I broke the LOOP 'law' by having a lager. It was a hot day. Pints of water were more importantly consumed also.

Suitably rehydrated we headed to Crane Park and followed alongside the banks of the Crane. Through a 'dark causeway', past a seat carved with wooden insects, and, all the time, the views of the river improving. This was the point the noise of planes became noticeable. We were clearly getting close to Heathrow.

Those of a more historical bent would be more interested to see the 16c Shot Tower, a striking brick edifice thrusting proudly into the sky, where once stood the gunpowder mills that used the water of the Crane to drive their millwheels. Frequent explosions made it a fairly hazardous workplace. Now it's a minor tourist attraction. An improvement in my mind.

A wooden footbridge over a mill sluice led to the interpretation centre for the Island Nature Reserve but we had no time for such frivolities! We yomped on. Until we reached the A304 Hanworth Road. The pub on this road was closed so we passed through a kids playground into Hounslow Heath. Not an area I'd been remotely familiar with before but a surprisingly wild one, even with the tower blocks of Hounslow sprouting up behind the long glass.

Here the planes were getting much more regular (every two minutes!) and much much noisier. Despite that it was a fairly serene stretch with only the occasional dog walker and romantic couple, seemingly, to share the Heath with. One dog walker came in particularly handy with some useful directions when a part of the LOOP had been cut off due to a golf club being closed down. I was surprised. I thought they kept opening more of the bloody places.

Hounslow Heath, all gorse, broom, and scrub, has a fairly grisly history. It was once the domain of highwaymen and footpads and the coach road across it was often lined with rotting corpses swinging from gibbets as rusty chains rattled in the wind. The planes would drown that sound out now.

Our enforced diversion bought us out on the A315 Staines Road. There, in front of us, stood a building, possibly a pub, that I first thought was called The Hubcap. It was actually called The Hussar and it didn't look overly inviting - or necessarily opened. But we were near the end of the walk and fancied another livener so we thought we'd see if it was open.

It was. It wasn't unfriendly but it was a bit off. A pub/Indian restaurant is not a bad thing in itself, of course. In fact, a very good thing. But this one was rather down-at-heel. The white lad working behind the bar was thick as pigshit and the Indian barmaid (his boss?) had the face of a six year old even though she was probably in her thirties.

She smiled politely, served us a couple, and we ignored all the guys sat around on their own and went to the garden - or a bench in the car park near some bins - where occasionally a van would do a three point turn or somebody would come over to mutter something to us before walking off. I've been to better pubs but, hey, I've been to much worse too.

It wasn't worthy of a 'two pint mistake' though, that's for sure. We followed another short stretch of the Crane through Donkey Wood and past the Duke of Northumberland's River (fourth river on this stage alone, London LOOP you are spoiling us), a 'river' cut in 1520 to serve the nearby mills as well as others in Bedfont and Isleworth.

Soon we reached the A30 Great South-West Road, so busy it'd be almost impossible to cross but also where it was time for us to leave the LOOP. We had to walk to Hatton Cross tube station alongside the road and its roaring angry traffic (we'll do it in reverse when we return soon). Hatton Cross is a very uninspiring place, the most boring on the LOOP so far and possibly in all of London. No pubs, no restaurants, no shops. Just vast warehouses and corporate hotels that serve the airport.

We didn't hang around. After a brief debate over the merits of Ealing, Acton, and, considerably further into town, Hammersmith we took the Piccadilly Line to South Ealing and made straight to the very busy Rose & Crown. A quick pint in the beer garden before a visit to Zayka for a delightfully speedy and tasty dal makhani (can't remember what Shep had!). Just like last week's TADS outing to Winchester it was a Nepalese/Indian hybrid kind of place and, just like in Winchester, it was a winner. I can see this happening again.

So it was back to the, now even more, packed Rose & Crown for a couple more (too many really) while we watched Gareth Bale score a screamer and Loris Karius commit a couple of howlers that'll probably haunt him for life as Real Madrid beat Liverpool 3-1 in the Champions League final in Kiev. Good game for a neutral to watch though.

It'd been another good day (and evening) on the LOOP and we even dodged the almost biblical thunderstorm that came later (we didn't, it got us on the edge of Trafalgar Square on the way back to Waterloo). If the most annoying thing about a day is that you can't use your camera to take photos of it then I guess that's the definition of the slightly too popular phrase 'first world problems'.

Next time we leave Hatton Cross and The Causeway, rejoin the Crane until it reaches the Grand Union Canal before following that through Hayes, Yiewsley, West Drayton, and eventually into Uxbridge where hopefully we'll meet with our friends, and fellow TADS walkers, Neil, Bee, and Eamon. That's if they don't join us for the walk. We'll also pass under the M4, a spot I'd marked out as halfway round the LOOP. We can celebrate with a pint or two as well as there are loads of pubs marked out on this stretch (too many really). See you at the sewage works just east of Iver.