Sydney, Australia, some time in the morning. Gordon (Patrick Brammall) stops his car to let Ashley (Harriet Dyer) cross the road. She, quite naturally, flashes him a boob as a way of thanking him. Distracted by this, Gordon runs over a dog.
The dog doesn't die but Gordon, nicknamed Flash, and Ashley, or Ash, take him to the vet where it's decreed his back legs will never work properly again and he's fitted with a set of wheels. So that he's not put down, Gordon agrees to take him and because Gordon's not great with dogs, Ash moves in to Gordon's place to help out.
They name the dog Colin From Accounts. And that's the premise of Colin From Accounts (BBC2/iPlayer, written by Dyer and Brammall themselves). A meet cute for the ages, It's quite a ludicrous premise really - and it's quite a ludicrous show. But it's a funny one, and it's a good one. Gordon and Ashley go from a will they/won't they situation to an on/off romance. Complicated by the fact he's more than a decade older than here and also complicated by the fact that they are both flawed, though big hearted and kind, individuals.
Gordon owns a unicycle, wears a Midnight Oil t-shirt, and runs his own microbrewery. A recent health scare means he has to have a cystoscope shoved up his dick by a doctor who seems more interested in watching golf on television than carrying out the procedure.
In the bar, Echo Park, he works with old friend Chiara (Genevieve Hegney) and the slightly inappropriate - though in Colin From Accounts it's all relative - Brett (Michael Logo). In his personal life, he's not long split up with Yvette the vet (Annie Maynard) (and, yes, they do make jokes about 'Yvette' and 'a vet' sounding the same) but Yvette doesn't seem happy with Gordon and Ash's situation and makes cutting remarks about age differences.
Ashley doesn't get Gordon's nickname as she's never heard of Flash Gordon (or, for that matter, When Harry Met Sally - a knowing reference to one of the most famous romcoms and Colin For Accounts is, at heart, a romcom), she works as a student doctor "staring at broken vaginas", she eats crisps (Sprinters - a new brand on me) in bed, and drinks tequila in the morning which may be the reason she flashes a tit at Flash.
Not even, in the words of her friend Megan/Meggles (Emma Harvie), her "party tit". No, the "small one". She has suffered an even more recent break up than Gordon and still has to work with her ex-partner James (Tai Hara). She even dreams that he says she has a "big lasagna face" and, hoping to help her get over the break up, she's committed herself, supposedly, to "thirty days of sexless" to raise awareness of ovarian cancer.
Then there's Ash's mum, Lynelle (Helen Thomson). Lynelle's a character and not necessarily in a good way. She mistakes oil diffusers for Alexas, befriends people who are dying (and then complains that all her friends keep dying), and says that she's "always wanted a girl" despite quite obviously already having one.
Lynelle's partner, Lee (Darren Gilshenan), is even worse. He describes a roast dinner as "very tidy", a dog as "sensual", and calls his partner's vulva an "axe wound". He tells Ash he likes the buttons on her dress and that he'll be able to tell if she starts getting cold and then, for good measure, he describes his wet dream to her.
It's in keeping with the general vibe of a show in which you're never far away from jokes about farting, pissing, shitting, and wanking as well as, quite often, much darker stuff. I'm not sure you're supposed to laugh about neck braces, dead dogs, and euthanasia but I did. Even heart attacks, trans issues, rape, chronic alcoholism, and murder wasn't off the menu.
But the jokes, though the hit rate decreased as the series went on, were all very good as was the rest of the dialogue. Both Gordon and Ash come across as naturally funny people so I found myself laughing with, rather than at, them most of the time and I found myself laughing early doors with this show. Be it a scene of a dog sniffing a dead woman's piss bag or a hugely inappropriate anecdote about pierogi.
There are other amusing set pieces (Ash visiting Costco accidentally dressed like a staff member, an accidental and disappointing dick pic - bad angle apparently, a disastrous 'trivia' night in the bar, and Ash's horrendous hipster friends acting like pricks at her 30th birthday bash) and there's a few reminders that this is Australia. Use of the word 'dunny', garage sales, and cargo pants. The latter of which show up in the very first second of the show.
Then there's the music. Run The Jewels and John Farnham (not even You're The Voice) aside, it's all stuff I've never heard of. Don't Stop Or We'll Die (from LA) and the New Zealand born, Australia based, Skyscraper Stan and his Commission Flats. Ultimately it doesn't matter. As you watch Colin From Accounts, you can't help warming to both Gordon and Ash and hoping that somehow they make it work. They're frustrating, as friends so often are, but, like best friends, they're also funny and lovable and, together, the actors who play them have made a fantastic little show. Roll on season two.
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