Probably the most telling thing about the current dire state of the British government is that out of the twelve contestants on Channel 4's recent Make Me Prime Minister, I reckon at least ten of them would be far better at the job than Rishi Sunak, Liz Truss, or Boris Johnson.
But why would anyone want to do it? To improve the state of the country and the lives of the people who live in it, you'd think - and while that seems true of most of the contestants (and patently untrue when it comes to the current Tory administration) the makers of the show have also added a £25,000 prize for the winner as a further inducement.
Presented by Alastair Campbell and Sayeeda Warsi (I know she's a Baroness but I don't pay much attention to the corrupted system of honours in this country), I had fears, from the off, that the programme would be a bit too much like The Apprentice. Which it was. There's lots of footage, filmed from the sky, of Big Ben, Downing Street, Whitehall, and Westminster Bridge and the basic concept of splitting the group into two smaller groups and assigning them tasks before the supposed weakest contestant is eliminated is basically a straight rip-off from The Apprentice (though there is a Traitors style twist). A show so evil it helped Donald Trump become POTUS and made a celebrity of Katie Hopkins.
Despite that, I enjoyed it once I got into it. The contestants include the infamous Jackie Weaver (really making the most of her fifteen minutes of fame), Danny - a venue operator and son of the jungle pioneer Goldie, Connell - a cocksure paralegal with a penchant for swearing, Alice - a Brexiter and Margaret Thatcher fan who has posed with both Ann Widdicombe and Nigel Farage despite being only twenty years old, Natalie - a media communications director, and Darius, a British-Afghan refugee and Tory hopeful whose catchphrase of "creativity, creativity, and creativity" will remind those of a certain age of Tony Blair's "education, education, education".
Darius seems to have a complete and utter capacity for denial - which may be a handy tool in politics - or not. There's Adam, a marketing consultant who, along with Weaver, is a few decades older than most of the other contestants, Caroline - a hairdresser and XR activist, ex-footballer and sports agent Holly, seemingly arrogant restaurant supervisor Verity, self-proclaimed "black trans guy" and diversity consultant Rico, and, finally, Kelly. Who provides a pretty interesting CV. She's a former beauty queen turned member of the Scottish Youth Parliament with both ADHD and autism.
Once in their teams, they're asked, each episode, to come up with various policies and ideas. On how to reform primary school education, how to tackle the obesity epidemic, how to deal with a "crisis" (Undeclared War style), how to cut crime, and how to offer solution to climate change.
They have debates like real party leaders, they go out and knock doors, and they're even interviewed by the likes of Krishnan Guru-Murthy, Katy Balls, and Nick Ferrari while other, real, politicians appear either chatting to and observing the contestants (Jess Phillips, Johnny Mercer, Chris Bryant) or with video taped words of encouragement (Tony Blair and David Cameron - quite remarkably). Journalists from The Daily Mail, The Telegraph, The Sunday Times, and The Guardian (Zoe Williams) also weigh in with their opinions and even newspaper headlines are mocked up. They look quite realistic although they did remind me of the packets those crisps called Fish'n'Chips come in.
While Campbell and Warsi amicably bicker over their party affiliations - and Sue Perkins narrates (I like her a lot but the narration pool seems to be getting smaller and smaller - I'll do it next time, I need work), we see footage of real life politicians making twats of themselves. Looking awkward and stupid are Boris Johnson, Theresa May, Liz Truss, Michael Gove, and Matt Hancock and though the programme makers have thrown in some Labour or ex-Labour MPs for balance (Gordon Brown, Keir Starmer, and, of course, Jeremy Corbyn) it's instructive that none of their public gaffes are anywhere near as incriminating.
It's not as if the wannabe politicians on Make Me Prime Minister are afraid of making fools of themselves in public either. We see maypole dancing (!) and contestants dressed up as space people from the future while other fancy dress outfits include a strawberry and a box of French fries. On the subject of the 'French', it's interesting that whenever a supposed crisis is referenced the French are pretty much always the enemy.
That's Brexit for you, right there. There's lots of arguing among team mates, an incredible overuse of the cliched term "car crash" to describe any PR failure, some weird submarine shit which seems to be inspired by Vigil, and, inevitably, there are tears. In another nod to The Apprentice, the contestants always hold their phones in front of their mouths (as if using some crappy old Amstrad kit) when they talk into them instead of to their ears like every single person you see does in real life.
Jackie Weaver soon becomes annoying. Overly authoritarian and high on her own viral infamy, she admonishes Connell because he swears too much and threatens to smack his legs. Like if he was a child. A child in the 1950s. Despite that, she seems fundamentally decent and so do all the rest of them.
Their policies are always well intended but often ill thought through (the complete opposite to the cruel and corrupt lot currently in charge) which is understandable as they're not given much time to come up with them. It's interesting that Nick Ferrari, of all people, admits that the contestants are far more credible than any current cabinet minister.
An assessment both Campbell and Warsi agree with. I don't do spoilers but I will say that the three final contestants were all brilliant but perhaps what's most interesting about the show, and says the most about the current state of UK politics, is when we witness the likes of Campbell, Warsi, and Mercer judging others for making bad mistakes. How rich does that feel? It's almost "gameshowwashing". My idea for the next show in this style:- Make Me A Doctor. Hosted by the ghosts of Harold Shipman and Josef Mengele.
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